Hardbodies (1984)

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Original Theatrical Release Date: May 4, 1984
Director: Mark Griffiths

When three older men come to the beach to score chicks, they learn fast that just because they have the money doesn’t mean they’ll be able to charm the ladies any easier. Seeing an opportunity, young beach-bum Scotty (Grant Cramer) offers to give the three men lessons in how to “dialogue” with women. They agree and frivolous partying ensues in true 1980’s fashion.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking – and, yes…this is one of those films.

Believe me, it's not all sunshine.

Yup, you guessed it.

There’s really nothing I can say that would justify this piece of 1980’s cinema, other than it may have been funny to someone, once. While watching, I wasn’t so much able to laugh as I was trying to figure out why it was labeled as a comedy. I guess if you can call three older dudes trying to score with a bevy of beautiful women funny, then this is it. Otherwise, it is basically the story of a ladies magnet trying to train a bunch of creepers to not be so creepy and rapey.

Most of the humor came from men being spurned in “hilarious” ways or from “ugly” jokes or from physical jokes. Aside from that, there were just a lot of boobs and man ass. (Obviously more boobs, though)

I wouldn’t really recommend this to anyone in particular. If you want the boobs, there are tons of them online and there are pornos out there with a better storyline. Aside from that, there are no real redeeming qualities about this. Revenge of the Nerds did it much better. Thanks, 1980’s.

JOE Rating: ★

Movie Trailer For Hardbodies

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Gone Girl (2014)

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Original Theatrical Release Date: October 3, 2014
Director: David Fincher

Author Nick Dunne (Ben Affleck) arrives home on the eve of his 5th wedding anniversary to find his wife Amy (Rosamund Pike) is missing under mysterious circumstances. After calling the police, Nick finds himself in the middle of an intense media circus as the search for Amy goes underway. Soon, the clues begin to pile up and fingers begin to point Nick’s way.

I went to see this film with a couple of friends last night as I’d been hearing good things about it. I’ve never read the novel it’s based on by Gillian Flynn (who also penned the screenplay) but according to online sources, the movie differs only slightly in some ways from the book version. Movies always differ from their book counterparts, though, so this shouldn’t really be a surprise to anyone.

It’s rare for me to want to watch a hyper-realistic crime movie – they aren’t my thing. Still, all the good things I heard about the various performances given by the actors made me want to check it out, so that’s what I did. Every single one of the actors in this movie, even Ben Affleck, really turned it up a notch. Affleck kept his cool just enough during the film to make me waffle on whether or not he had anything to do with Amy’s disappearance. Rosamund Pike, however, carried this movie with her role (in my opinion). She is not only accessible and sexy – but also terrifying. Another surprise was Neil Patrick Harris in his short role which added a lot of subtext to the film, regardless of how small a part his character played in the overall story.

The direction was great – Fincher hardly ever fails at that (except maybe with Mulholland Drive). The music was low-key enough to not interfere but still added just enough mood for a thriller. The length was a bit too long, however, clocking in at a whopping 149 minutes. The only real reason I’m giving this film four stars instead of five is the ending – which I felt was maybe a little rushed. I dunno if it was due to time, or due to something else – but the entire movie built up the characters to be solid and absolutely believable within the context of the story, except for the last half hour or so, which was unbelievable and completely took me out of the movie. I’d love to see a director’s cut in the future to see if maybe the motivations of the characters were a little more clear before some of the film hit the cutting room floor.

All in all this is one worth watching at least a couple times so you can catch all the little “easter eggs” (like the Scott Peterson novel one of the characters are reading at one point) and nuances in background scenes and in the subtleties of the characters and their actions. Good job again, Fincher – you do great work.

JOE Rating: ★★★★

Movie Trailer For Gone Girl

A Good Old Fashioned Orgy (2011)

A Good Old Fashioned Orgy (2011)

Original Theatrical Release Date: September 2 , 2011
Director: Alex Gregory, Peter Huyck

Eric (Jason Sudeikis) and his group of thirty-year-old friends have parties all summer at his dad’s house in the Hamptons. However, when his dad decides to sell the place, Eric proposes the party to end all parties…an orgy. The longtime friends must then decide if they’re up for potentially ruining their existing friendships in the process.

There are a few funny folks in this flick, but the story seemed disjointed and I was never quite sure where it was headed. That could have been a good thing because they didn’t seem to follow some of the same conventions these type of films tend to hold, but there was just no focus.

Sudeikis has never been one of my favorites, and I think he could probably be good in the right role but he (and none of the actors, really) reached out and tried to grab the audience. On top of that, the chemistry between all these friends seemed sparse and mostly artificial. There were a couple of moments where I chuckled to myself but I found no real guffaws.

Worth a view the first time around? Sure. A second viewing? Nah, probably not. There’s not much to quote from this film.

JOE Rating: ★★★

Movie Trailer For A Good Old Fashioned Orgy

Bomb Queen Deluxe Edition: Volume One (2013)

Bomb Queen Deluxe Edition: Volume One (2013)

Publisher: Image Comics
Creative Team: Jimmie Robinson

Bomb Queen Deluxe Edition: Volume One collects Bomb Queen: Royal Flush #1-4, Bomb Queen II: Queen Of Hearts #1-4 as well as Bomb Queen VS Blacklight: Cat Fight, with art and writing by Jimmie Robinson (Evil & Malice, Avigon).

Bomb Queen doesn’t just govern New Port City…she rules it. After routing or killing not just all of the superheroes who would stand in her way…but her former teammates and other super-villains, she is the dictator of the city and the public just eats her up. But, being at the top means that there’s always someone who wants you to fall, and since she’s not into the business of making friends, her time in the spotlight may just be coming to an end.

The premise of this book is what sold me, really. What would it mean to live in a city of filth and moral absence? Bomb Queen hopes to explore that. Jimmie Robinson’s art style is sort of manga-influenced, and it also reminds me a lot of Amanda Connor’s artwork, though I do like her style better. The writing wasn’t anything super-special, so what we have here is a B-Movie in comic book form.

The vulgarity and the over-the-top cheesecake is a novel addition, though some won’t appreciate it. It’s highly cheesy and very kinetic. Bomb Queen is the epitome of sex and violence. Bomb Queen herself dresses in an impossibly skimpy outfit and other characters, including the self-righteous superheroes found within its pages, are no better….hiding bulging genitalia behind the thin fabric of their costumes, or going just plain nude.

In the hands of a better writer, this could be a great property. As it is, it seems a lot like a world similar to the one found in Escape From L.A., without Kurt Russel, of course.

Anyway, don’t expect anything too heady with this. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

JOE Rating: ★★★★

Here’s A Sample Page From Bomb Queen Deluxe Edition: Volume 1
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