Deathstalker (1983)

Original Theatrical Release: February 1984
Director: James Sbardellati (As John Watson)

The warrior known as Deathstalker (Richard Hill) is tasked by an old witch to gather three powerful items; a sword, an amulet and a chalice, before the evil magician Munkar (Bernard Erhard) collects them first and becomes unstoppable. After getting his hands on the sword and angering Munkar, Deathstalker enters The Big Tournament where he hopes to wrestle the kidnapped princess from Munkar’s control, while Munkar has plans of his own to kill Deathstalker.

First off, this movie is from 1983. I was only two years old, then. The special effects are TERRIBLE and are pretty consistent with the visual effects limits of the time, utilizing even puppetry to supplement the fantastical needs of the film. That being said, the puppetry is part of what made this movie so laughably bad.

Bernard Erhard is pretty much the only actor who can actually act in this film, but his performance is so over the top that it’s awkward to watch next to the wooden and stoic Richard Hill and his portrayal of Deathstalker.

As far as Deathstalker movies are concerned, I actually thought Deathstalker II was the best out of the bunch. (Even though Deathstalker II rips a scene right off the reel from this movie and just re-uses it, no questions asked)

Most lovers of fantasy have to give a nod to cheesy, 80’s Fantasy films like this, filled with topless barbarian women, oiled and dumbed-down Conan the Barbarian clones and ridiculous makeup, and this is no exception. It’s worth a watch if you’re in the mood to laugh at a terribad film, or for nostalgic reasons…that’s it.

This is definitely not Lord of the Rings caliber material.

JOE Rating: ★★

Movie Trailer For Deathstalker

The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Original Theatrical Release: July 27, 2007
Director: David Silverman

In this film adaptation of The Simpsons television show, Homer Simpson adopts a pig that was to be slaughtered after a Krusty Burger shoot. In typical Homer fashion, he indulges with the pig on an eating binge and the two of them fill up a silo with feces (yes, Homer helped fill it) which Marge tells him to dispose of. The lake in town has recently been protected, but homer dumps the silo into its waters and pollutes it, causing Russ Cargill and the EPA to place a dome over Springfield. The Simpsons escape the dome to the outside world and become fugitives, as Russ has plans to destroy Springfield and doesn’t want any witnesses. The Simpsons must decide whether they love Springfield enough to try and go back to save their town and all the people in it.

I have been a Simpsons fan since before the cartoon even came out. I still remember the Butterfinger commercials, announcing the “coming” of the animated show. The series started off strong and really hit its stride in the mid-to-late nineties and then, I felt, lost some of its edge with shows like Family Guy being more bold and edgy. I did notice the Simpsons start to do this but not too much (as Family Guy sometimes does).

The movie was great in the first half, but lost its momentum. I felt many of the episodes of the show were far funnier than the film, and I’m not sure why that was. I would rather, I think, have watched the movie slimmed down into an episode’s length and I may have been far more satisfied.

Still, it was fun to see the Simpsons family finally get their big-screen debut and although we don’t get to see a lot of the minor characters for any length of time, it was nice to spend so much time with the family we’ve all come to love over the years since being first introduced.

JOE Rating: ★★★

Movie Trailer For The Simpsons Movie